Losing Much and Gaining it All

Today, several things happened that moved me. And tonight, a person shared this video (see the video at the bottom of this page, "A Man of no Reputation") with me...and for some reason...it just seemed to fit into the essence of the day at a very visceral level.
And I'm not at all positive it's something I can find the words to express.

I got letters from two people today, who wrote to me as a result of their being moved by my blogs and by my story. I won't tell you their stories, because there is no need....but sufficient to say that they were touched by my experiences and by my expressions of them in my writing online in these and other forums. (forii? :)) )... One of these ladies, is disabled like myself...and she made a remark about how useless she feels right now.

That is something I've struggled mightily with.

I've always been in the Type A category of person...I had big dreams and big intent to reach them. And when life and genetics snatched them from my grasp...I was left clutching first at one thing and then at another to give my life, with it's new set of parameters, meaning.
And now, when all I can really do is peck away at these keys and either vent my changeable emotions or spout philosophical speculations about faith and life or extend to people like these, like myself...that they are not alone....and that their life still has meaning....regardless of how hopeless and limiting their circumstance may seem; or else to spend time in prayer for the people I've encountered online here or for people who live in His service in other lands--I have come to an understanding,that life is not so much about what you accomplish...but in how faithful you are to use the lot you have been given that will really matter in the end.

Like the parable of the talents....when the master came to evaluate each of his servant's success at taking care of his money-- it was not the amount that they had increased it by that mattered so much to him...but the degree to which they used the benefit he'd given them. For the one who hid his little amount in the dirt to keep it "safe " for the master, the Master had no words of praise. Playing it safe, did not score big points with him. The other servants doubtless took some risk with their investments but they did so in a wise manner so that when their boss returned, they not only could return his money to him, but could give him a profit as well.

And the thing that I've come more and more to recognise is that what matters to Jesus, is not necesarily the things which we might consider to be valuable. The Pharisees doubtless gave a lot of money to the temple. But who was the one who got his admiration? The poor widow who put in less than a cent...but it was all that she had. The Pharisees played it safe. They gave a bit of their abundance but she gave her all , out of the depths of her need.

That last sentence is important...Read it over.

It doesn't really matter that you have very little in this world in terms of health or resources. All God is asking of you is that you give you all...take a risk for him. Take a risk in your level of emotional safety and reach out to someone...write an email to someone who's blog touched you...Hand them a piece of your heart to encourage their day. Because, who knows? Maybe writing the piece that moved you, required an equal amount of risk taking on their part.

Or, as I did last week, write a letter to an author of a book that you loved. Tell him so. Hand him a bit of your heart. Maybe he needed that bit of encouragement.

As I shared with one of the two women who wrote to me today, if I had to name my mission now in this remaining part of my life, it would be this, "To comfort others with the comfort that (I myself) have received." God once gave me talent and intelligence...And lots of opportunities...then he added an illness to the mix that began to drain some of that potential away...and then other illnesses came. And with each, I lost more. And yes, for a while I did lose hope, and I did ask questions and I was bitter. But God began to use this poverty of hope and possiblity that I was experiencing, to show me some REALLY important things about himself and about what he wants from me...What he has wanted from me all along. And that is to take a risk and to give him everything that I have. Whether that be a little bit or a lot is almost irrelevent. What he is looking for is the pureness of my intention and my desire to please him. He looks at the fervency of my love for him and at the doggedness with which I hold onto him and to the hope that he has given me...in the dark places that my life takes me.

A tiny flame glows brightly in a dark place...so don't worry that you don't have a neon light...use it to light the dark corners of life where you travel. Light the wicks of others as you go. And soon the light you make will far surpass the light your own faltering wick could have ever created alone. And you will hear, in the end, if you've given him the totality of your heart..."Well done! You have served me faithfully and well! Enter now and receive your reward."

And I don't know about you, but for me, that's all I've ever wanted.....