Chris Tomlin O Come all Ye Faithful

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Leap....

I don't want to write this post. I don't want to have to say AGAIN that I'm still sick....and that I'm pretty sure I need to be in the hospital. The question has not become so much IF as WHEN I will yield and make that call. The quandary? I've got 'stuff to do': I want to get a hair cut; and tonight and tomorrow it's going to ice and snow; and tomorrow is my birthday; and....and why not just wait til Friday when I have my MD appointment....?

...Because, I can't breathe. And four days is a long time to wait when you can't breathe and when every movement spawns a lengthy fit of coughing.

It breaks my heart to do this to my family again.--especially so close to the holidays. And, honestly, I am struggling with some depression and self-pity as a result. And I hate that even worse. And the thought of the mental instabilitiy that the IV steroids kicks up scares me even more. If I'm depressed NOW...what will happen THEN?

Like many times in my life; I'm stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. And I know what I need to do; I'm just really not looking forward to doing it. I need to really arm myself with some serious prayer to my Father--who knows exactly what I need and exactly how He's going to provide it.

Easy to say; Hard to trust.
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