So then, I just had to check my email after fish flopping in pain in bed for awhile....but was tired still...so shut down and determined to shut my eyes...Yet more pain...and a noise. When I opened them, a gentleman in a lab coat carrying the famous "dracula"-box of supplies entered my room asking softly, "Mrs. Vogel??" Ahhh, yes, my daily guest from the lab, here to squeeze more of the fruit of my veins, for them to continue to run the daily sodium levels and cell counts on it. I have to say, he was a gentleman (must have been his soft French accent) and good at his job. He gently "tsk-tskked" at the IV patched-over failed tries and promptly found a vein (granted, even HE had to fish a bit), then said his goodbyes and turned out the light. Re-enter the nurse with "One more pill"...OK, NOW to sleep.
Okay. Lord, I give up. By now it is undeniably light outside although looking still to be another gray day. From my window, I can see offices across the road, with cars pulling into the lots with the drivers, sleepy-eyed and carrying their travel mugs of coffee, as they hurry in for the morning's rush of work. I think it is the staff arriving for their 7-3 shift at that nursing home located there, handily next to the hospital.
So Father, what did you want to tell me? There is a song that played on my mp3 player this morning, still ringing in my mind:
"I am not skilled to understand; what God has willed, what God has planned. I only know at His right hand stands
one who is my Savior...
I take Him at his word and I believe,
Christ died to save me this I read and
in my heart I find a need of Him to be my Savior.
That He would leave His Father's place on high and for sinful man to die--
You count it strange so once did I; before I knew my Savior.
My Savior loves my savior lives my savior's always there for me;
My God, He was; My God, He is; My God; He's always gonna be...."
So Lord, Okay. Reminds me of a Facebook message I got the other day...from a friend, a man of 76 telling me how at age six he lost both parents and eight siblings in a single day. The message ended with "God's ways are perfect and beyond finding out, Who can know them?" Which is a quote from Job, I believe.... But we have now, one that we DIDN'T have when Job or whoever penned those lines. We have Emmanuel...God with us. God in the flesh of a man by the name of "Y'shua", Joshua in English, "Jesus, in Greek"...all meaning "Savior" or "Salvation."
This God-man suffered. Like we do. In a body condemned by the blight of sin's Fall from the perfection that God had originally created. In a body condemned to age and to feel pain, sweat, hard labor, and limitations and much exhaustion. And He died an excruiciating death that demanded every surge of physical and moral stamina and faith that a mortal man could summon....and then, He trusted. He left this earth, trusting that His Father would bring Him back; because He knew His Dad...Always, always true to His word.
So what does all this mean? To me? Here in this hospital bed? I don't know what the future brings. All I know is that I woke tired and hurting. I don't know if tomorrow my temperature will escalate and announce some new infection, if the "crackles" the nurse just heard in my lungs signifies some danger brewing, as it has in the past, or whether soon I will be patched up and sent home to await the news of the next days....But I know that, by my side, stands One who KNOWs. Knows the pain; knows the fear and lonliness; knows the tiredness; ...and He, most of all , KNOWS the FATHER. He knows the Father cannot fail and will not fail to live up to His promises. For those who remain on earth, that often means much harder things to come.
But for those who know the SON, Emmanuel; we know that Salvation has come, died, and overcome even death...carrying us, hell's captives, with Him back to heaven's realms...where He sits and waits...like we are....for the day when He will return as our KING, or will call us to be with Himself first. And I know HIM NOW because He has given His Spirit to live in me until at last we are all united in the New Jerusalem, His coming Kingdom.
So we cannot question what happens to us here and now...NOR should we fear it!! For by our side we have God Himself with us and in us: and "If God be for us; Who can (dare) stand against us?"
...And all morning, every tune on my "Zune" has played songs of man's fear and aloneness and weakness...and God's loving, KNOWING presence.