This has nothing to do with mental illness, but everything to do with faith:
Last Sunday was my first time teaching the senior high school Sunday School class at my church. I decided in my "wisdom" to eschew the manual and to teach out of my own knowledge on the topic of integrity. I do have a lot of research on that topic because I am writing a book on that as well, so I thought, "No problem; we can just talk about it and I can show them some of what I've learned."
Well....that would have been fine, had I not had enough material to give a week long seminar and only 45 minutes to teach it!! I plunged in valiantly and then started to panic as I realized that most of my material was way too obscurely presented for the teens to really grasp it. At that point, my mouth got dry (literally could barely speak due to this) and my thoughts became more and more disjointed and what I said became less and less clear which only increased my panic.... You get the picture I think.
The kids were mostly tolerant of my difficulty--and a few of them tried to help me out by participating...but in the end, I left, dreading the next week and wondering why I'd ever promised to teach this class. My only prior experience in teaching was with adults and I felt completely out of my comfort zone with these kids.
So today I sent out emails to the students in the class and admitted that I'd been nervous to one of the girls who replied, "Hey, you're not going to crash and burn. Just have confidence, and God will do the rest. I will see you Sunday."
I got to thinking about that...Today, the hospital my daughter was in, cashed a security check that we had given them which we were not prepared for them to do... It wiped out our bank account and left us with a deficit, bank fees, and also no money at all until next Wednesday when my husband gets paid. I had just sent the following email to my husband as he was fretting and worrying about the situation:
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in
the name of the LORD our God.
1 Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help,
who rely on horses, who trust in the multitude of their chariots and in the
great strength of their horsemen, but do not look to the Holy One of Israel, or
seek help from the LORD.
Woe to those who trust in bank accounts--
security of their wealth!
Better always to trust in the Lord, who never
God used my high school friend to remind me that, just as He is able to help us with our needs right now; so can He get me through the upcoming class successfully...and He is also able to use last week's class to accomplish something--Even if it IS humbling me!