It is Well with my Soul BYU Vocal Point

Monday, August 31, 2009

At the "End" of our World

So, today is the first day of school here...(I hear moms "yahoo-ing" from all directions!) Already, I've received one 5:20 a.m. email inviting me to coffee to celebrate the big day. But my heart is sad. You see, I sit here, with no one to wake up and no one to “encourage” going to the bus stop this morning. Instead we will meet with her via phone at 9:00 for another phone conference with her therapist at the hospital where she is currently staying. I am sorry that she will miss the excitement of the first day and will instead have to have her first day well into the first weeks of school instead.

I haven't posted here for a while. It's been hard to find things to say that are relevant and encouraging to others; things that are not completely specific to my own situation and struggles at the moment. And yet I want to keep the contact, between those of you who read this blog and myself, going. Maybe my situation is not as unique as I think or feel like it is. I’m sure there are other moms who feel sad and separated from the events of “real life” going on around them, made a reality because they can only see their child during visiting hours in some institution or other. Or maybe, there are those of you, who ALWAYS feel this distance between yourselves and the moms of other kids…because there is very little about your life or your relationship with your child that is “normal.”

And maybe there are those of you who struggle to keep your marriage healthy or even alive because of the stresses of mental illness on your spouse and your marriage. In my house, the stress comes as a result of my daughter’s hospitalization and traveling long miles and hours to see her on the weekends—and also from my own struggles with mental illness. My husband feels himself surrounded by it…and he is now wrestling with his desire to be free of it … and really, there’s no where to run. (So instead, he has invited ME to take a walk!)

So what words of wisdom do I have for you? What kind of encouragement? Well, I will offer you the same words that I offer myself: You (we) are not alone. Not only are there countless families who hurt like this; but our Lord is with us and will never leave us to deal with it alone. He feels our pain, weeps with our silent midnight tears, and wants you to know that His arms are around you now, wherever you are and in whatever situation….just as they are around me. This image brings tears to my cheeks now as I write this… His words resound in my mind. “I am with you always. I will never leave you nor forsake you – even until the end of the earth.”

So to you and to me, who sit together at the “ends of our earth”—let us take comfort in the fact that HE KNOWS all about it. He sees what goes on behind your closed doors and in your hearts. And He has promised that, if you are His beloved, He will work even that mess out for your benefit. (Romans 8:28).
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