Friday, December 14, 2018

A Work in Grace

I have not posted for a while because I have really not had much to say...  My time in silence with the Lord, reading and in prayer....has been more spotty than I would like it to be.  And you know, it's like practicing the piano,  "One day without practice, no one knows.  Two days without practice and you know.  Three days without practice--and the whole world knows."  I read that somewhere by some famous classical musician and it caught my attention because it paralleled my experience as a flutist.  

But it's true of our quiet times with our Lord, isn't it?  When we don't spend time abiding in his word and communing in prayer...we see the effects of it.  Two days away and my temper starts to flare, jealousy, you name it....Three days away and my language starts to become ungodly.  To me, that is the real warning...When epithets start to fly I know I've been away too long...and I'm sure to anyone hearing me, they would know also.  I have spoken in the past about the "washing of the Word." and it is so true.  Just by reading His Word, it doesn't matter if it is the long lists in Numbers the genealogies in Deuteronomy , the law in Leviticus--or the Psalms or Paul's letters....it all has that purification power, that cleansing factor that I so desperately need.

It is clear what I am without Him....and it's not a person I want to be; not how I want to be remembered.  I know that the enemy has me where he wants me in times like these...times when reading the Bible just does not sound as appealing as hanging out and surfing online.  What a LIAR he is!!  I always always come away from reading or study with a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.  I always find something to "chew" on. And the beast convinces  me that reading someone's "Status" is more important and interesting????

Lately it seems that I've played out my audience online.  Not  a single "like" on FB other than from my daughter and one friend.  Readership is down on this blog also. And I think I know why. I had let my hair down in some posts...confessing my bad attitude about my 30 Days of Thanksgiving posts and also admitting some hurtful memories about my mother which probably made some people uncomfortable.  I think I've crossed some sacred lines: Forgotten to change my underwear. Let my heart bleed, and  people don't want to hear that though unless it's in the tabloids.  I cannot falter. Cannot disappoint.  But don't you have these same struggles?  Maybe you don't...maybe I really am out in left field somewhere.  I don't know. (NOTE: I just discovered that due to a SNAFU on FB, my posts were not being shared to all of my friends.  So that also effects who visits my blog...so much for jumping to conclusions. Please forgive my paranoia and my lack of trust in my friends' commitment to me.)


But I do know one thing.  Before God, I am blameless.  Why? How can this be?  Haven't you ever heard of extravagant grace?  Daily God brings things to my mind...either years ago ....or from this morning; times of failure or out and out rebellion.  And I make it right with him.  I mourn and repent...and am written a blank check of grace.  Just fill in the amount you need...and here it is...forgiveness; that old debt canceled.  

 I have discovered this in the past three or four years when God gave me the word "Blameless" for that year and that ushered in a new way of living, and way of walking in the light of his forgiveness. A new depth of mourning for and repenting of sin...of being truly sorry and deeply sorrowful for my failings.  And part of that process has been to be honest about my failures and sins.  Evidently though that makes people uncomfortable.  Either that or I've just had so little subject matter that people are just bored.  And I can  understand that.  I mean how much really does a mostly shut-in person have to talk about?

Anyway.  Back to the topic.  The necessity of maintaining - not an "online presence" but an "in the Word Presence"...And when I am present in the Word, the Word Incarnate (See John 1) is present in me.  And I know too, that my current dullness of topic in this blog is caused by this lack of being regular in my times of communion and reading with God. Nothing in; nothing out.  

I am winding the year down in  Revelations and the minor prophets in my "Reading the Bible in a year" program.  Well, I've missed some chunks of time as the year has progressed and I didn't start to pick it up until the book of Job so missed a big chunk at the beginning. I cannot therefore count this year as among those when I have actually read all of the Bible. I will try again next year.

My New Year's Resolution?  I think I will make only one this year because it packs a load of benefit with very little investment: I will be in the Word....and will not lose more than an occasional day if I have a very good reason.  It would be good to take note of the Me I am now and compare it to the Me I will be in Christmas of 2019 (If I'm still on earth by then.).  One thing is certain: I will be a work of Grace then as I am now.


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