Friday, August 18, 2017

What I Need

I'm not in a good "head space"--it started yesterday.  Feeling BLAH and disinterested in everything.  Not wanting to talk or socialize, but feeling lonely.  Loneliness is a hunger.  But if I don't have the appetite for people being around me...then what am I hungry for?

I'm disgusted with my weight loss efforts and the lack of results I'm seeing even though I'm tracking every bite that goes into my mouth and rarely exceed  1300 calories in a day.  Yesterday I threw restraint to the winds and ate what I wanted.  (as there is no junk in the house I didn't really eat anything bad--just too much.)  And today when I weighed myself I see that I gained 5 (count it! F-I-V-E) pounds! I know that some of that is not true weight gain...but nonetheless it got me upset.  I also had tried on some of my pants which I was wearing last January and prior to Mother's Day...and couldn't begin to zip them.

So that is where I am at.

Now how to get to where I want to be?  I think the place to start is on my knees.  Talk it all out to the only One who is interested, will listen and has the ability to help.  I need to ask Him what it is that I need and then ask Him to give it to me.

I have not prayed for God to bless and assist my weight loss.  But beyond that...maybe what I first need to do is to ask Him to help me to stop hating myself...hating this body He gave me....and start cutting myself some slack because 99% of my weight gain is due to medications and being sedentary because of illness.  If I had a friend who was in my shoes, would I say to her the awful things I say to myself? I would NOT. I would try to encourage her just to do the best she can and chalk up the remainder as being out of her control.

So that gives me a few ideas for direction.  Need direction? Go to the DIRECTOR.

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