Wonder- Hillsong United

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Tape and Bandaids

Please pray for me....maybe the stress of losing my mom...maybe because of physical challenges; I have been struggling. I was admitted to the hospital the day after her funeral. This week my dad had an emergency gall bladder surgery.  So it goes on and on....and I still don't really believe or understand that Mom is gone.  I feel guilty going on with my life; like I should be leveled by sorrow....and there are times when I am.  There are times when I forget it for awhile and then suddenly it will come on me, this terrible sense of loss and each time I am shocked when I realize again that she is gone and I will never see her again.

Anyway ALL of this is rocking my boat.  Thanksgiving is coming.  Two weeks after that is my 54th birthday and two weeks after that is Christmas.  My immediate family is not much involved in celebrating anything.  My dad and mom always decorated to the nines...their house was filled with beautiful decorations and wonderful smells wafting from the kitchen and from candles.  I don't know what my dad will do. He is invited to my uncles for a protracted stay which I think would be good for him....and terrible for me.

So maybe we can just cancel the holidays altogether.  I just hope I can keep myself together and not wreck things for everyone.  Please understand: I'm not blaming God. My faith is not weakened. I am just struggling with getting through this time and remaining mentally intact.
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