It is Well with my Soul BYU Vocal Point

Friday, September 30, 2016

Anything is Possible

In rehab I worked hard.  HARD.  I started out being extremely weakened due to the fact that I'd spent months in my recliner sidelined by pain - especially in my ankles. So I worked hard and got a lot stronger.  Strong enough so that muscles were visible instead of flab.  I had promised myself I would continue to exercise once I got home.  However in reality things haven't worked out that way.  I've been in a lot of pain and it's so hard to pull yourself out of the swampy quicksand of STASIS that chronic suffering causes and do anything that requires effort.

I accuse myself of laziness.  However years ago following an epidural injection into my spine I had relief from my back pain ---for four whole days. I tore the house apart...cleaning and rejoicing in my ability to put out effort.  It was a big relief to me to know that I am NOT lazy.  Pain simply freezes my ability and desire to do anything physical. It also does a number on my mental alacrity and motivation to think.

So I can't move...
I can't think,.

And I want to.  I really do.

I have a  Nike t-shirt that says "JUST DO IT!!"  Years ago when I was walking several miles a day, there were many days I didn't want to do it.  Didn't want to sweat or breath hard.  But truth is that I had the hardest time STARTING when I'd missed my workout for a couple of days.  The first 4 or  5 days are hell.  I had to really dig deep to "Just do it" but then after those few days something miraculous happens.  I started to love to sweat.  The harder I worked, the better I felt and those old endorphins would just pick me up and carry me for the rest of the day. 

I know that is likely what would happen were I to pick up some weights and go to work.  My left leg is going to be atrophied and shriveled up if I don't do something about it.  Already I am losing tone.  But I think I could get it back pretty quickly if I start right away.  It's going to be hard to do anything aerobic - without putting any weight on my foot.  Also my asthma has been troublesome with activity. 

In 2010 when I began my exercise program (and lost 70 lbs in the process) I had one rule: each day I have to do a little more than the day before.  Initially I walked down my driveway.  And that's all I could do.  Then  I walked to the front of my next door neighbor's house....and the next day to the house next to that. And soon I was doing an hour of aerobics without any serious difficulties.

That was then.
Now I'm going to have to be a lot more understanding with my limitations.  Pain now is way worse than it was back then, and I have many joints that are no longer functional. But they say where there is a will there is a way.  I don't know how much 'will' I have right now...but maybe an ounce of 'want to' will carry the show.

Check out the video above.
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