Phil Wickham When My Heart is Torn Asunder

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Today's Bad News

I'm so upset.
I went to the ankle surgeon today and he told me -after looking at X-rays - that both ankles are end stage: bone on bone. He said ankle replacements are not the solution because they basically suck. And he noticed that my knees are starting to go also. SO far I've had two hip replacements and a shoulder replacement and need to have the other shoulder replaced as well. The remaining shoulder has been extremely painful of late and I am forced to consider surgery on that one also.

my options are not good. My house is not wheelchair accessible. Narrow halls, narrow doorways and 5 steps to the deck that are so steep that ramps are impossible. I want to cry but tears won't come. I feel too bad for tears.

There is always the big "why??" but I know that God knows why and there is good in it for me somewhere. Self pity is a temptation. But that doesn't solve any problems and it just alienates one from others.

My Rheum had good advice. He said to give my current biologic (Cimzia) a chance to work and see if it makes my ankles more tolerable...I might be able to postpone the surgery for a while if the drug works for me.

Until then I am stuck here. I have not wanted to go out at all...walking just hurts too much. I think I'm going to be relying on my wheelchair more when I go out.....however it's not a good option because my shoulders and elbows are all crapped out too. 

I'm sorry for the downer of a post....I'm in the dark feeling for the light switch...and not finding it.

Jeremiah 29:11(NASB)

 For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
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