Unspoken: I Lift my Life Up

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Forgotten Fodder

Yesterday I attended a barbeque which consisted of all the people who used to be in my Bible Study.  I had a terrible time debating whether or not to go....I felt like I would be trapped there and would not be able to leave until the last one was out the door.  However I talked to the hostess and she promised me that all I needed to do is tell them I need to leave and they would take me home.  I sat and chatted a bit and then ate (I ate TWO chicken cutlets that were grilled and very yummy, some pasta salad and a little watermelon)  ..I felt stuffed to the gills, so much so that I turned down brownies a la mode for dessert!!

And then after I ate, I had a bit of an intestinal problem (TMI???) and really was just ready to go home.  I had pain but I think Fatigue was the bigger problem.  It turned out that the host was ready to take me home because he wanted to go to bed as he had to work early today....So it worked out perfectly.

I have gotten to be so anti-social.  I just really am at a loss for things to talk about....How can I hope to be a writer when all the "fodder" I have to work with is from memories of the days when I had a life; vicarious stories (borrowing from the lives of others around me), things I've read and material from my Bible Studies....and of course the endless stories of my medical issues.  But who wants to hear ANY of that? What also is (or should be) a source, is my imagination...(the Hobbit, Harry Potter, Alice in Wonderland...)  However...my imagination is dead...killed off by psych meds and schizophrenia....Poverty of thought and poverty of speech reign supreme.  How can a writer write without words,  Without characters?  Without life experience?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
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