Phil Wickham When My Heart is Torn Asunder

Friday, October 18, 2013

Dragon on

I'm going to warn you that this post is written with  Dragon :voice recognition software. I'm still getting used to it and it is still learning how I speak in my voice intonations.. So if it seems strange and not quite my voice is because I'm not used to dictating it. I have been struggling for material for my box you've noticed I'm sure that they become more sporadic I hope I don't lose some of you my  faithful readers. Two things have simultaneously been happening and they seem a bit contradictory One is the been getting out of the house more,I even volunteered to  take part in a ministry at church when I went to a meeting last Sunday. I've gone out to dinner with friends and had chances to visit with my family. All of this is new and enjoyable. However simultaneously there is a new monster on the horizon and he's getting closer step-by-step.and that is horrific pain.

You know that have pain I've written about it before extensively however I feel like I'm learning all of all over again what it's like to be incapacitated by pain  I woke up last night and I could not get out of bed .I tried to but I couldn't. I wanted to scream it hurt so bad. Finally with a groan and a yell, I managed to get off the bed I made my way to the living room recliner. Managed finally to get a little sleep until my daughter came out and needed me for something, She got disgusted with me because I couldn't function enough to help her.then at 4 o'clock in the morning I wrote a psychotic email to Becky. It made no sense-- it was rude and I couldn't even remember writing it when I woke up then I did remember it. I was mortified. I discussed it with Becky today and she told me that she was just figuring that I was not doing well and didn't take it personally she just wrote it off as part of my illness which I guess is what it was.  I usually  have a rule never to send an email written in the middle of the night. I've written some pretty crazy things unfortunately my pastor has gotten a lot of them.he handles them and very diplomatically and never mentions them to me.

I'm still struggling with symptoms of the schizophrenia. My friends kind of take it in stride and don't get all upset if I act strangely. That's what makes them my friends. I wish my family could be that charitable. But that's another story for another time.

Please keep in prayer the victims of the cyclone in India .the devastation there is immense and makes me so grateful for what I have.



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