It is Well with my Soul BYU Vocal Point

Monday, January 21, 2013

L'il ole Anxious Me

I'm reading a book called "Overcoming Anxiety, Worry, and Fear: Practical ways to Find Peace" by   Gregory L Jantz, PhD.  I bought it because I have been struggling immensely with anxiety.  It was like clockwork where twice a day, once in the afternoon and once, at  night in bed; I would be overcome by waves of fear.  Freefloating angst about the future. One thing after another would come to my mind exposing ways in which I am vulnerable to catastrophe and as the book described I felt myself to be the center magnet for all catastrophe.  If it is bad and it can happen to anyone; it will happen to me.  Now those of you who know anything about my life can probably see why I've built up this belief.  My life has been full of drama.   So full that friend after friend (the latest being just today) have come to me and said, "Cyn, we can no longer hang out.  Your life gives me anxiety.  You have just too much drama going on."  Now I do not understand this at all. If I had a friend like me, I would be thanking God daily that I am not my friend.  But needing to back out of a friendship because of someone else's bad fortune??  Sorry.  To me that is kicking someone when they are down.  But it happens. Has happened. Still happens.

Anyway.  The drama in my life had begun to get to me as well and anxiety was the price I was paying.  So I did a search on Amazon for "Christian + Anxiety" and this was one of the top items on that list.  I bought the book and began reading.  And almost instantly, I was amazed.  I was amazed to find that I am a terribly anxious person. ("DUH" my friends all say!)  Anxiety was masquerading as anger, as procrastination, as being needy in my relationships.....all anxiety.  Even the depression that I feel sucking me down into my bed every morning, is likely rooted in anxiety.  And not only that but my husband (who suffers from two anxiety disorders) and my daughter (who suffers from four) all relate to me and to each other based on our mutual anxieties leading up to one  heck of a mess of codependencies.  But the authors are spot on.  They identified me and my hidden tactics with laser accuracy.  Now I'm about to read the second half of the book...the REMEDY.  I'm very eager to see how they suggest to be free of this awful mess.

I know that anxiety is part and parcel of being schizophrenic.  But must it be??  I don't see why it should be a death sentence.  And this book seems to offer some hope.  I will let you know how it all ends up.
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