Please forgive me for my silence. I began to write a post yesterday and it turned into something that was only suitable for my online journal.....which is marked "private."
This past week my husband was away from last Sunday until he came back with my kids last night. (Thursday)..
The first night passed without incident. The second night however I struggled mightily with the old delusion/hallucination I had months ago which made me really really believe that someone was breaking into my house. I heard them come in. I saw them pass by my bedroom door. I was terror-stricken. My chat-friend and I had already said good night, but I grabbed my computer and typed..."Are you still here?? Please still be here!!" And thank the Lord! She was!
Her first impulse was to tell me to call the police and have them come and check...but the problem with that is that the only thing I fear as much as robbers is; POLICE. lol. (quite a bind, eh?) I have some powerful ideas about police also, many of them based on multiple encounters with them through the many psychotic periods of my life. So . No. Not calling police.
I would have called the security guards for our housing development...but their phone # was in the kitchen and NO way NO how was I going to leave the safety of my bedroom to go out into the kitchen and possibly encounter the thieves face to face. So as I talked to my friend, Vicki, it eventually became apparent to her that this was NOT a real threat but a delusion being backed up by hallucinations. So we abandoned the police idea and just focused on how to get me through it. She suggested I put on my headphones and listen to music....When I did that...music on full volume., and could STILL hear scary things, I began to understand that there really was no real danger except my misfiring neurons...So I cranked the tunes and sometime later, fell asleep.
Then yesterday morning, I could not get awake. In fact I fell asleep in the midst of a chat conversation and the person was so worried they called me, waking me from a deep sleep , and scaring the life out of me, causing a terrible fumble to try to find the phone....all to say, "I"M SLEEPING"
Then through out the entire day yesterday, I could NOT keep my eyes open no matter WHAT I did. I literally slept the entire day...I moved from chair to chair to bed to chair...and fell asleep instantly in each one.I thought with some consternation that I had taken my morning meds twice...Which could have caused me major health issues and possibly death(??). However, because I have a new handi-dandi pill carrier, I was able to check and see that NO, I did NOT take them twice or too close together. While this was somewhat reassuring, it left me with some concern as to why I could not stay awake. I hope today is better.
I understand completely that this was a very boring post. I apologize. I didn't know which was worse, boredom or silence. I promise to do better next time :)