Phil Wickham When My Heart is Torn Asunder

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Eventually, I'll Fly Away

Seems like all my life has been comprised of lately is medical junk...one thing right after another...Doctor visits, tests, doctors not liking the results and sending me to more doctors.  Makes me wonder how they benefit from referrals.  I guess they are their food and drink so they like to perpetuate the cycle.  After all, isn't that how medicine really operates?--Finding one condition after another so they and other docs have a reason to see me every few weeks (not me personally - Me in a generic sense...I'm sure it is not my award winning smile they are looking to see :) )

My elbow surgery was supposed to be on Tuesday of this week...but my doctor cancelled it.  Permanently.  Said overall it was too risky for me to undergo general anesthesia right now unless it was a complete necessity.  I don't know how he defines "complete necessity" but it evidently doesn't include "reducing screaming pain" lol.

Then he sent me to a nephrologist...not only recommended I go, but called the nephrologist's office and arranged it for a few days later.  So, although  I had previously determined "NO MORE DOCTORS" were to be added to my already impressive army of them, I agreed to go, since if I didn't, I'd probably end up hitting the phonebook to find a new PCP as well.  My doctor (PCP) has been with  me for about 20 years--so I'd hate to tick him off.

I was open with the nephrologist today when he told me I really need to see a cardiologist to monitor a heart (valve) problem I was born with which generally worsens with age.  I told him, "I don't want to add another doctor, I have too many already."  So at the conclusion of our appointment today, he said, "I really  want you to come back in two weeks If You Don't Mind, and we'll see where we stand by then."  Well, honestly, I kinda do mind and am wondering what the consequences would be of cancelling that appointment.

Please understand, I"m not trying to be difficult.  It is merely that my medical treatment has gotten completely out of hand--as I can no longer afford to pay even the copays.  And I'm beginning to feel that it is completely futile to try to chase it down and get my health under control again...so maybe I'd best just let it fly away, like it is apparent that my body wants to do.  STOP trying to control the disintegration.  STOP trying to control and monitor situation after situation which seem to be arising weekly, if not daily.

So much of what is wrong with me is the consequence of the medical treatments for other conditions.  One treatment breeds another problem and when they treat that, they just spawn some more issues.  So stop it already. Let God deal with this junk because it's apparent you guys are fighting a losing battle.  If God wants me on this earth a while longer, He'll see to it that that happens...and if not, well, than that will happen regardless of how many doctors are trying to tie their strings around my ankles to keep me from flying away.
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