It certainly is true that with every victory we attain for the purpose of Christ and advancing the gospel; or every victory in terms of gains in our personal life, success and character where we find encouragement--the enemy of our souls is right there with an attack of equal or greater proportions...blatant in his desire to see us leveled and back in the "Slough of Despond" where Christian found himself to be in Pilgrim's Progress.
I confess, coming home high, (and okay, maybe too high) from the victory and glorious time I'd had at the Philly Christian Writers' Conference; I was slammed in the face by a two tailed monster upon my return to home base. Here I found my family in complete turmoil and in the morass of negative emotions, which of course immediately, they sought to embroil me within...I was also in a weakened place physically - begin completely exhausted and drained by severe, severe pain; finding myself unable to even get out of the car once we arrived at home. I determined then to not deal with any family issue until I'd slept and slept well.
So sleep I did, for about 48 hours straight....waking at one or two points to be engulfed at once by the Enemy's dragon tail lash of discouragement and terror. Terror, as I realized the enormity of the task before me; in organization, writing, research, record keeping, learning many new things, networking, FUNDING said ventures, financial record keeping and tax declarations; all of which come hand in glove with this new "career" upon which threshold I teeter. And discouragement followed close at bay with the knowledge that I am in a life and death struggle to keep my own sanity in clear view through out any given day. This struggle takes all of my energy...all of my focus,...and pain sucks up every iota of strength and endurance I own.
I cannot do this task alone.
And I do not have the funds to pay others to come alongside and help.
I cannot afford to pay for a personal assistant which most surely I will need, even if just to handle the straightforward tasks of keeping my papers in order and a filing system of some kind going so that nothing of import gets lost.
I do not have the money to pay for a mentor's services....for a seasoned writer to offer advice and show me the ropes.
And I'm not even sure that I have the clarity of mind to write a manuscript that is cogent and sane enough to bear reading by the generally sane public. (okay, maybe that is a euphemistic portrayal of those who will read., but hey, always think the best, right?)
Yes, folks, to progress with this task will take more resources than I currently have at hand. And thus I need: a MIRACLE.
It was already a miracle for a relatively unpublished writer to land an interested publisher on what was really my first serious pitch....So cannot God miraculously provide for my other needs?? Of course he can...
In my moments of tired despair, in between hours of sandwiched sleep, I'd lost sight of the power and willingness of God to come "riding the winds" to my aid. I forgot that he "owns the cattle on a thousand hills" and that my few paltry outstanding bills are small change in his economy. I forgot that he, unlike most of the countries in the Western Hemisphere, is NOT in an economic pinch or crisis...that he is as wealthy as he ever was (Praise God!)...I forgot that which he desires-SHALL GO FORTH AND SHALL COME TO PASS despite any obstacle or hardship thrown in its path by the enemy. Who is it that I serve??
Not some weak, fallible human with skimpy resources and limited willingness to come to my aid. NO! I serve the Lord, King of Heaven's Armies who is not limited, weak or unwilling nor poor. And HE will BRING IT TO PASS....if it is his purpose to do so...And if not, then it will fall by the wayside and not be missed. Help me Father to trust in your loving strong hand.
"Girl, Who's your Daddy!"