"Indescribable, incomparable, you are amazing God! Indescribable, all powerful--You are amazing God!" Those are the words that my computer is playing from my playlist that is embedded into this blog. Right now I am overcome with the sense of God's presence and His amazing goodness. I am thankful for the people I've met through this blog and for the opportunity to play a small part in their lives. I'm really thankful for the things that He is teaching me about Himself and am eager to see how He will begin to use this new knowledge in my life. I'm looking forward to the coming season of fall colors, harvest vegetables, cool days, and holidays.
But while I look forward to all of this, there is some part of me who is scared to death to think one day farther ahead than today. So often, within just a couple of days, my situation has changed in the past because of asthma or because of serious infections and because of relapses due to mental illness. My daughter is coming home in a week from the hospital and while she is doing very well and is eager to get back to school and to put her recovery into effect, I fear, at some level, the return of symptoms and worst of all, that awful depression.
Now the computer is singing "I will soar on the wings of eagles, I will learn to fly high above this world...I will lay my troubles at your feet." This is also true, we have to fly high and we can't think of what will happen if we crash...we have to lay those fears at His feet. God has plans for us and it is His strength that will carry them out and bring them to fruition, not our own. As we soar high in the heavenlies the worries of this world must remain but a tiny speck far below us...inconsequential...the only thing that matters is the wind beneath our wings...the Spirit who empowers and lifts us up and takes us higher.
I know this is all very erudite and abstract, but I think these facts are important ones for us to incorporate into our lives as people who must live with the reality that tomorrow can bring joy or possibly a relapse and further heartache for us or our family. This inability to predict tomorrow is true in a real way for everyone but it seems to be so much more of a problem for those who live with mental or physical illnesses. It is not enough to force ourselves not to think of the future; we must hand over the future to the One who truly holds it and then refuse to take it back from Him except in the daily allotment that He gives us.
So do we plan for the holidays? Yes...but we do so with an awareness that our plans may have to change and with a willingness to let that happen if it must. And if we are all at home on the holiday and if all is well, we will be doubly grateful for that wonderful gift.