It is Well with my Soul BYU Vocal Point

Monday, September 7, 2009

God's Incredible Powers of Design

Something that I’ve been thinking about:
God made me to be exactly who and how I am.
Now, that may seem like a no-brainer: but really is it? Because, you see, He’s chosen to make me with blue eyes, brown hair,….psoriatic arthritis…and schizoaffective disorder. This was not the “luck of the draw” – it was a deliberate choice that God made.

Now some people will say, “Well, we live in a sin-tainted world…there is sickness and disease that came with the Fall.” That is true but God also says,
“The One forming light and creating darkness,
Causing well-being and creating calamity;
I am the LORD who does all these.”

These illnesses are not a “random” germ that I caught when someone sneezed. They are genetic illnesses that were programmed into my DNA. God gave them to me as surely as He gave me blue eyes. When His hands fashioned me in my mom’s womb, He arranged that DNA and then stood back and said, “It is good.”

Now I can hear the ethernet seething with murmurs against the “injustice” of this…but wait a minute! Firstly, I know that God is good and that He loves me…He’s shown me this time and time again. Secondly, I know that He is infinitely wiser than I can fathom; so from these two facts, I must conclude that He is up to something beyond my full comprehension that will be for my ultimate benefit and He has already granted me glimmers of understanding that corroborate these facts.

I can say that I have the privilege of knowing the depths of God’s compassion and the strength of His helping hands, in ways that most people cannot comprehend. As I’d thumbed my nose at Him in anger and went, for fifteen years, stumbling around in a darkness comprised of my own illness, rage and defiance aimed at God; I then experienced the mind-blowing brilliance of His mercy as He welcomed me back to His arms without hesitation, once I’d run out of my own resources and turned back to Him.

I daily experience the power of His sustaining hands as my own strength is so tremulous and faltering. When pain overwhelms me, He always grants me just what I need to empower me to get through that moment, those days…every minute of every day. When my illness leads me to do something rash or dangerous in the blindness of psychosis; He always has protected me and gotten me to a place where I could receive help…even in the years when I was still stumbling in blind rage away from Him.

I have even come to the point where I have thanked Him for this illness. I think He must think a lot of me to entrust me with such a heavy load. I also thank Him for endowing me with it because it has granted me the privilege of knowing Him in numerous ways that most people could not grasp. I have to depend on Him heavily every moment…and while, to some people, that may seem like a weakness or a “crutch” – it puts the power of the Almighty God constantly at my fingertips…So that makes me a vessel that contains a pretty amazing strength!

I also think that when I get to heaven, there will be extra benefits waiting for me because of what I’ve suffered on earth. I will appreciate, as few people will, how marvelous that new body and a healed mind will be and how valuable they are! I do know that almost no one I know has such a longing for heaven and as much of a minute-to-minute consciousness of it as I do. So all in all, I cannot—nor do I—get angry at God for giving me these difficulties or this pain. There are LOTS of times when I do climb onto His lap and lean my head on His shoulders and cry, but He’s more than good at understanding that and that too has grown the intimacy of our relationship, so I wouldn’t trade even those tears.


So when you hear the words of the doctor as he diagnoses you or your child or spouse with a mental illness; remember my words here…and begin to look for reasons to rejoice. God does not make mistakes; nor have accidents; nor does He make junk!

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